Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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