I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
