i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
