i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
