This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
