When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
