Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
