i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How does it feel to date your dad?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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