3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
