hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
