woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
