she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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