i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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