Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
