Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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