omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
