my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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