he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
