you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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