i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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