and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
