You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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