Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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