This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
