his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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