alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize