Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
