we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
