I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
