your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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