We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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