mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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