Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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