in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
