I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
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Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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