I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You're like the curious george of whores
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
