I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
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You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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