We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
