I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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