She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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