I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
