went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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