Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
