I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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