i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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