it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
