He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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