We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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