as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i love accidental penises.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
