he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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