This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
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