how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
