You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
