can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
