Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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