You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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