the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
