Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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