My sheets look like a crime scene.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
