Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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