his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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