She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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