I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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