he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
