white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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