I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
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I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
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The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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